Narrative Editing - The parachute goes wrong

The parachute goes wrong

One misty morning Ash went to the Casino and did not have anyone to compete against in the Gin Rummy until his luck changed and he found someone sitting by himself. Ash walked towards the lonely man, and  offered him a game of Gin Rummy. The lonely man introduced himself and accepted Ash’s invitation. Ash introduced himself and gave Johnson his phone number.He also gave him his address. Ash said to Johnson “you look famous”. After introducing themselves they both approached the Gin Rummy table. Before playing both of them said if one of them wins the game the person who loses has to give the person who wins $3,000 dollars. They both shook hands to make the deal.

They played until one of them gets up to 300 points. Ash looked at Johnson while Johnson was dealing out the cards. They played, and played. Ash gave Johnson $3,000 dollars. The fury of Ash’s face dimmed the room and his eyes looked like the fire from hell. Ash punched the guy next to him, that he had to go to the hospital. Ash put a smile upon his face, and pretended he was happy. Ash wanted to kill Johnson to get his money back. Ash had a plan. Ash said to himself "I'm gonna get this guy".

Ash said to Johnson “would you like to go parachuting?”. Johnson answered “yes of course”. Johnson said he would go and get his new and gleaming helicopter to parachute from there. Ash went to get his helicopter, while Johnson was going to pack some food for them. Parachuting was one of Ash’s favourite hobbies. They went near a sea. Ash told Johnson “you can go first”. Before Johnson went down Ash cut the string of Johnson’s parachute, and as Johnson went he was flying in big circles.  Ash was laughing , and laughing.  Johnson yelled “help help. Somebody help me”.

Ash flyed away , and went with Johnson's money. Johnson was very anxious, and afraid that he was going to die. Johnson prayed to god. He shouted “please god help me”. Johnson went flying in bigger and bigger circles. He was getting a headache. He went lower and lower. He felt the ocean. He was drowning, and he was asking for was shouting “help help”. Johnson drank a lot of water, and he was coughing a lot of times. He also had a lot of water that had went inside his and he didn’t hear anything. Johnson poked his index finger into his ear to try and get the water out but he couldn’t.

He was shouting and shouting for help until he saw a blue and white shiny helicopter, which sad amtrak police. He waved and waved to the helicopter. The helicopter came closer and closer to him. Johnson knew it was coming to him. He was very happy and thrilling.

The helicopter pilot put down the ladder, for Johnson to hop on the helicopter. Johnson climbed, and climbed.

As he got to the helicopter the pilot said “what happened”. Johnson didn’t say anything because he couldn’t hear anything from the water that was inside his ears. Ash said thank you to the pilot. As they flew all the water from Johnson’s ears came out. They flew to the amtrak police station and Johnson told the policeman what had happened.

Johnson told the police the story, and told him about the man who tried to kill him. The policeman looked at Ash’s profile to see where he lives. As he saw his profile there was nothing on except for a picture of him. The policeman said “that’s strange”. Johnson remembered that Ash gave him his phone number and his address. He got it out and it was all  muggy, but the policeman could stall see the address.

Johnson and the policeman went to Ash’s house. The policeman knocked on the door. Ash opened the door. Ash’s eyes was wide opened like he was looking at the scariest and hideousness men ever. The policeman said to Ash in a angry voice “do you have something to tell me”. Ash was scared. Johnson was laughing.

Ash told him, and he was imprison for 20 years. Johnson got back his money that he earned, and he went back home. With that money Johnson had bought him a mansion which had 2 garages , 4 toilets , 6 bedrooms , 2 kitchens, 1 massive lounge, new car which was called the Hennessey Venom GT and a new dog.

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https://docs.google.com/document/d/1mZNQgQdJjBpwqHtnrBg86I1hzwUtVRR-XaZZj5rE7BA/edit 

L.I To use a variety of simple, compound, and complex sentences.

Today for our writing Must Do we had to edit our narrative story from last term into simple, compound, and complex sentences. I learnt what a simple, compound, and a complex sentence are. A simple sentence is a sentence that has only one verb as in "Sam climbed the tree". A compound sentence is a sentence made from two independent sentences joined by "and", "or", or", "but", as in "Greg punched and Grant kicked." A complex sentence is a sentence a sentence that has someone doing something and then extra information that doesn't make sense by it's self as in "Friadoon kick the soccer ball, while making looking at the crowd.